Review| Blair Witch

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I mentioned on twitter earlier that I was going to see Blair Witch and that I’d do a review. But oh dear me do I regret that decision!
Let me start with I remember very little about the original film, and what I can remember? Yeah that comes from a spoof in Scary Movie. But I decides to go in their open minded. Dear lord, it was AWFUL.
SPOILERS TO FOLLOW

First things first, it’s easy to spot who’s going to die and work out the order. Where as the original was one of the most important horror films ever made, this one was stereotypical to the formulas of horror films. The black male supporting character, Peter dies first. He goes off on his own into the woods to get fire wood, and is predictably taken.
Ashley, the black female character is infected with some type of parasite, that we don’t know if it’s linked to the witch due to the weird pulsating it does from the cut in her foot, or if it’s something else. There is no explanation.
The undercurrent of a possible romance between Lisa and James is odd, and add the fact that James is Heather from the originals films sister, and it all just becomes a jumbled mess.
Now, I LOVE a found footage film, Grave Encounters, The Houses October Built, I love really gritty, grainy films. And this? This just doesn’t have the same effect. I’m not asking for it to be quite on the level of the Uncut Poughkeepsie Tapes. But it was far to clear for me to buy it as a found footage at all. Not to mention it seems to be heavily influenced and follows a really similar plot to not just the original, but also to Grave Encounters.
All in all, this is going to be short because it truly is a pile of crap.
And you get to see the Blair Witch. From what I remember in the first film, she was described as appearing half human half animal. In this film? SHE LOOKS LIKE SLENDER MAN HAD A BABY WITH A TREE ENT.
I give it 1 star. And that’s me being kind.

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